As I’ve mentioned in a previous Message In a Minute, in the past I had a unique job working with teenagers.

I was a counselor for teenagers who were in state’s custody.

Usually these teens had limited contact with their families, if they had any contact at all. Because of their age and some behavioral issues, the teenagers weren’t ideal candidates for foster families. The company I worked for looked after and educated the teens in basic life skills.

I was ordained as a Pastor a few years before I started working with this company.

I enjoyed getting to know the teens and helping them through challenging situations. I wasn’t allowed to bring up any religious topics with the teens, unless they brought up the idea first. I never pushed any agenda but I would willingly answer any questions the teens had. I concentrated on teaching life skills and building relationships.

About a month after I started working there, one of the boys came to me expressing fear and uncertainty. I got to know this boy well in a short time, we connected through basketball, video games, and music. But this evening, I could tell something was really bothering him.

He sat down in front of me, checked to see if anyone else was around and asked me, “Did you know that a Pastor works here?” I answered with a vague “really?” He assured me that it was true. He heard it from another teen who heard it from another counselor. It was obvious, he didn’t know which counselor was the Pastor. I went on to ask him why that bothered him. I’ll never forget his answer.

“Because I’m gay, and a Pastor probably wouldn’t like me.”

That evening, I had two strong emotions.

First, I experienced extreme sorrow, knowing this young man felt fear about being around a religious authority figure. I wondered what happened in his life to teach him this fear. And I sensed the pain of the collateral wounds inflicted by the religion verses culture war.

This young man had been hurt in the crossfire.

Second, I experienced great joy as I revealed to the young man that I was the Pastor, and there was nothing to fear from me. I explained to him that I knew he was gay from the first time we met, and it made little difference in how our friendship developed. I made sure he knew I cared about him.

We continued to shoot basketball, play video games, and disagree about what kind of music was best.

He had more questions, we had more conversations, and we laughed about almost everything. It was a positive, grace filled, healthy, mentoring relationship. I will always value it.

Much could be said about the justification for his fear, whose fault it was, the anxiety propagated by all sides, and the theological, biological, environmental, societal, and familial realities of every story. But that’s not what I’m dealing with here.

Remember when you’re fighting important battles, check your motives, check your methods, and most of all, check your heart.

Relate, listen, speak, agree or disagree with grace, peace, and love.

People are more sacred than policies, being right is intertwined with loving right, and nothing should stop us from caring about each other.

Act justly, exude mercy, speak humbly.

Live out loud the love of God.

-Tom Wise