Author Archives: Tom Wise

Message In A Minute: Closer Than A Brother

I’m a good friend, but not a great friend.

Being a natural introvert plays a large part in my lack of friendship greatness. I’m a loner to the core. If needed, I can be extroverted for short bursts of time, but I usually come crashing down after that.

I’ve battled depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia much of my life. Some seasons are better than others, and I have been fortunate to overcome many issues related to anxiety. But, I fall short in building friendships.

I’m sure I’ve frustrated and confounded my friends over the years.

It’s not that I lack deep affection and concern for my friends, in fact I care tremendously about them. But I’ve always felt like I relate through a cloud, like a fog surrounds me and I can’t relax or be totally comfortable. It’s almost always my issues that keep me from being closer with friends.

Other people relate so effortlessly and I envy that skill.

Maybe I overthink simple things, maybe I’m too worried about being accepted, maybe there’s a secret to relating I’ve yet to discover.

I’ve sincerely questioned why I can’t quite make it work.

Again, I think I’m a good friend, just not a great friend.

Often, in the past, I’ve been left out of activities, not invited, not included. But honestly, I know much of that comes from earlier times I’ve not included myself, refused an invitation, or left a social situation early because of my discomfort.

I’m not looking for pity, I’m just being as honest as I know how to be.

I value the friends I have and I am thankful for them, I thank God that these friends care about me, even with my quirks.

There is a scripture that means more than the world to me because I’ve struggled in this area. The scripture says “There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” That scripture gives me peace, hope, and assurance.

A relationship with God is too often talked about like a commodity. Something to be bargained for, earned, or attained. But the good news is, this relationship is simple, pure, and everlasting.

Many times, religion clutters this relationship. Other times past experiences may hold us back. It’s possible that fear of rejection restricts our acceptance of this ultimate relationship.

Take it from me, an absolute amateur when it comes to relationships.

The friend that’s sticks closer than a brother offers the most welcoming, faithful, and tenaciously devoted relationship you can ever experience.

You can build your life on it.

No matter your hang ups, issues, failures, or quirks.

Trust the friend that sticks closer than a brother.

-Tom Wise

Message In A Minute: Thirsty

One hot summer day in 1985 or so, I was at my Grandmother’s house.

I came in from playing outside and I was hot and thirsty. My grandmother insisted I eat something. She asked if I wanted a peanut butter sandwich. I assumed by that she meant a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But apparently she meant only peanut butter.

She brought me the sandwich, and despite her being an awesome cook in every other way. She hadn’t mastered the fine art of the sandwich. It had triple the amount of peanut butter I would’ve used and for some reason the bread was old and extremely dry.

I don’t mean the bread was a little dry, I mean it should’ve been thrown out the previous week and it tasted like the desert dry. She put the Sahara sandwich down in front of me, along with a glass of milk.

Growing up I didn’t like milk, and I particularly didn’t want it that day when I was overheated and parched. But my grandmother sat down beside me, and like a good grandson, I started to eat the moisture-less meal.

It took me a half an hour to choke down all that peanut butter and barren bread. The milk didn’t help at all. It was exactly the opposite of what I wanted at the time. I desired anything to quench my thirst and I got something that made it worse.

There is a thirst in all of us that is beyond physical. It’s more like a spiritual thirst. We long for relief, for renewing, for a saturation in our soul. We often look for a way to alleviate this thirst in relationships, substances, and experiences. But the thirst keeps coming back.

What the world offers for this soul thirst is like that sandwich and milk my Grandmother offered. No matter how well intentioned or presented, it doesn’t satisfy our soul. There is nothing in medicine, philosophy, or therapy that can permanently quench this soul thirst.

Jesus mentioned this kind of thirst, and He offered water so satisfying, we would never thirst again. He explained that this water was from a well that would never run dry. God understands this thirst we have.

We are spiritual beings, whether we acknowledge it or not.

Physically, we suffer without nutrition and movement. Emotionally, we ache without support and acceptance. Spiritually, we need connection and meaning.

In Christ you will find all the joy your heart craves, all the peace your mind desires, and complete satisfaction for your thirsty soul.

-Tom Wise

Message In A Minute: Attitude Reflects Leadership

My favorite line from the movie Remember the Titans, goes something like this.

“Attitude reflects leadership, Captain.” spoken to a team leader who wondered why the team was not united.

For many reasons presented in the movie, that moment is critical in the development of one of the main characters. From that moment on, the attitude of the leader is different and slowly the team responds in a positive way.

If you’re the leader of a small group, a large group, a corporation, a team, or a family, in most cases the overall attitude of those being lead reflects the general attitude of the leader.

If the leader is positive, those being lead trend that way. If the leader is encouraging, those being lead will likely grow more encouraging.
If the leader shows excitement for certain material, most who follow will move towards that material.

Also…

If the leader is apathetic, those being lead will lean that way. If the leader shows little interest in relationships, then the group will follow the example. If the leader is abrasive and harsh, you can imagine the attitude of those being lead.

If you’re a leader and you are frustrated with your group, check yourself first.

Because you may find a familiar reflection. (I’ve been humbled by this a few times.)

And, just as important, be careful who you allow to lead you and your family.

If you have a choice in who leads you, choose wisely. If you don’t have a choice, let your attitude be a positive influence on the leader. Be a team player unless there is corruption. Be respectful, be patient, but don’t compromise yourself for any leader.

I encourage you to follow Jesus in every area of your life. However, even if you’re not a Christian, I recommend following His teachings. The wisdom found in the life of Jesus is overwhelming.

Wherever you find yourself, if you lead, lead with integrity, confidence, and a positive attitude. And, if you have the choice in who your leader is going to be, look for competence, experience, and a healthy attitude.

The words of a leader are important, the actions of a leader are critical, but the attitude of the leader is contagious.

-Tom Wise

Message In A Minute: Skin On It

Every once in a while, I watch “television preachers” just for the laughs, but other times, I get so disgusted I can’t continue.

There are some honorable, honest, and knowledgeable preachers with television ministries.

But, there are many who are a collective embarrassment to true believers. It’s awful that this is the example many will see of Christianity. On behalf of imperfect but sincere preachers everywhere, I apologize for that garbage.

Much of television ministry is either rhetorical entertainment or outright theft. Every week promising you, that your blessing/favor/anointing/break-through is just around the corner. Playing on emotions and manipulating scripture to create dependency and cult-like Christian-celebrity worship.

The content is fortune cookie wisdom with a little Bible thrown in for good measure. Like horoscopes with some Christian rhetoric attached. Like simple superstition with eternal promises, if you believe/give/trust enough.

Then, when real life happens, and it does for each of us, all of that superficial, pseudo-spiritual nonsense causes you to be disappointed in yourself and ultimately doubt God’s goodness.

Don’t let that so-called theology be what represents Christianity for you. You can’t build your faith on any of that. You can’t change your life or the world with that drivel.

Real Christianity is as much faithful patience as it is being overwhelmed with special favor.

As much crying with those who have no tears left, as it is wiping away tears.

Much more celebrating in the blessings of others, over seeking blessings for ourselves.

Its as much joining in the questioning with someone, as it is providing every answer.

It’s as much admitting our own flaws, as it is correcting the flaws in the world.

It’s much more about giving a voice to the voiceless, than flowery and emotional pep rallies.

It’s as much falling apart in God’s presence, as it is coming together.

Real Christianity has skin on it, it walks in close contact with God Himself on one side and broken humanity on the other, all the while bridging the gap in between.

It’s Heavenly minded and down to earth at the same time.

It’s messy, it’s overwhelming, it’s beautiful.

Be familiar with who God really is, and you will never fall for a cheap version again.

Be open to what God wants to do in your life, then be ready to experience unconditional love, unchangeable truth, and unending peace.

-Tom Wise

Message In A Minute: Protect Your Peace

A few years ago, I was sitting in my car waiting to be shown a building by a realtor.

I was early for the appointment and thought I’d just wait in the vehicle. Listening to the news on the radio, I was generally distracted from anything happening on the street. I happened to look in the passenger side mirror and noticed a young woman jogging in my direction.

She noticed me sitting in the car and she crossed the street to get as far away from me as she could. It was obvious, she made a quick decision, and played it safe. I don’t blame her at all.

We were in a business district of the city and I’m sure it looked suspicious. A man sitting in his car, in a metered spot, not appearing to be in a hurry. This lady made a judgement about the situation and acted decisively. It would be ridiculous for me to be offended by her actions. I hope my daughter would do the same in that situation.

It was a smart move.

This is a good spiritual move as well.

There is nothing wrong with avoiding potentially harmful circumstances or people.

Here’s a quick example, I have a friend who temporarily had to avoid restaurants that served alcohol. He had committed to quit drinking completely and those places reminded him of his partying days. That was a wise decision. He can go to places like that now without a second thought, but he protected his journey in an appropriate way.

Stay away from places or circumstances that tempt, discourage, or threaten you.

Along with negative or dangerous circumstances, there are also toxic people in the world. Maybe you have one in your life, you may need to protect yourself from them by setting firm boundaries, or avoiding them altogether. That decision could be temporary or permanent, that’s up to you and God. You should love everybody, but it’s fine to love some people from a distance, especially if they habitually disrespect you.

You should avoid toxic situations or people if possible.

I don’t want to suggest that you live in fear, in fact, I want to convey the opposite of living fearful.

Live faithful.

Dedicate yourself to spiritual growth, emotional health, and commit to wise physical, spiritual, and emotional boundaries.

Thrive in the opportunities God provides you, enjoy His blessings in your life, and protect your peace.

Live your life in liberty and grace, and at the same time, avoid situations that could compromise your faith.

That is wisdom.

-Tom Wise